Not what I wanted..

I do this all the while

See something, like it and wish it was mine

Without realizing that I was investing my time

Letting my today pass away in a desire to get something which was never in my thinking line

While I am busy trying to achieve something which only my eyes saw and brain asked for , but my heart actually never wanted..

Not being able to achieve what I thought was prime for me.
having said "You never give me what I wanted.."
Just when my trust began to wander..

He send me something which my narrow mind never pondered

He made me feel deserved and of importance..

Now that he has shown me the way and given me a direction ..all I can do is just pray

For him to make me reach the destination he has seen for me..

It is now that I know

He always gave me not what I test him for
But what will tomorrow be the best for me..
I want to thank him
For he gave me not what I wanted..
                                       Miracles are what happens when you get out of the way of yourself 

Weight No More

Statutory Warning : Men are requested not to go through the post , if they cannot handle it. You may not understand the logic behind the text , its highly complex for tiny brains to understand.

Should be around 98 ( dare you think , that is the number my weighing machine is pointing to ) ..I am talking about the number of articles I must have read.
Articles that pop up everywhere on : how to loose weight , how to control weight , how not to gain weight , why you put on weight etc etc..actually the rest of the sentence doesn't make much of difference , the moment I see the word WEIGHT..And as per my understanding and gut feel I am sure all girls end up reading them , they are as interesting as the  Bollywood gossip of who is going around with whom types..
I start with every article with a weird motivation in my mind , as if this is it , this is going to change my life forever and I shall get out of this constant fight that goes on inside my mind every time a take a bite of chocolate ( bite = bar in  my units ) , a sugar coated biscuit , haldirams , pizzas , golguppas , chappatis..phew..sometime I feel even for the air that I take in..for the count of calories that I gain..
As is evident reading these articles is of no good use..because I am not the kinds who will be eating broccoli for dinner..umm lunch..not even for breakfast..you have parathas in India
So the other instant idea that friends give "toh gym join kar lena yaar" . Though being in the era of technology , I hate technology to have been able to make it possible to see the number of calories you burn on a tread mill..200 calories for 30 mins of running , 30 mins of constant realization that you have grown fat enough , that you cant even run with a machine running beneath your shoes..this is not even 1/3rd of what you gain when you eat the lays packet which has more air than chips..in one day your whole motivation goes down the drain.. elite cost of membership ( wonder why they charge so heavy when it is we who is going to work out) , new  gym wear..shoes (which you bought saying "bhaiya running shoes dikhao" ) ..everything goes down the drain..
After constant arguments and long held debates , we decided to get a weighing machine .Logic : if we will constantly monitor weight , it shall not increase.For every biscuit that I eat and every step that I take I stand and recheck my weight . But even this has not helped , as a matter of fact a 3 point increase has been noticed in the machine.We purposefully bought an analog one to allow delta error , wouldn't have been possible in digital. We try and put the blame on the machine , but it shows 5 kgs for the 5 kgs weights (stupid machine !!! ).
Last but not the least your girlfriends..they always pep you up by saying "Kahan se yaar..bilkul pata nahi chal raha" and "you look better than before"(which is a sure shot that you have gained)..
There are the other kinds as well ..those who are blessed with zero tendency of putting on weight..and you meet them and they say..you know I have like put on so much..and you look at her like an elephant looks at the ant..(she says she is fat..agrrr)
Off late I have been attributing it to age , gravity , water , weather , travel (Acts of god )etc etc etc..reasons which only a girl can understand..
I don't think this topic can ever come to an end , it hasn't for me for so many years..so I shall pause here..since I am not feeling very good about all this..I will go and have some maggi..
Whatttt maggi aint harmful..its something you eat when you don't know what to eat , when you are with friends , when its late in the night , when you are out at 1 in the night , when you are feeling low..its a legal stress buster..and you cant manage to eat it all alone(someone always pops up)..so I shall share the calories..maybe I shall be able to divide them this way..or till I find a better article..:)

So High..Yet so grounded

Nobody tells you to do it, its not a ritual , so you dont annoy any diety if you dont perform it , neither will the elders get angry , yet today evening , gazing at the sky from my balcony , I see hundreds of colors , colors of kites - kites flying high , a symbol of independence .
It happens every year,without any facebook updats , or tweets , thousands of people , from old to young , from those living in studios to those in Jhuggis - with their eyes on the sky to gaze as high as they can.
Seeing this gave me that feeling in the heart , feeling of being proud  , to feel that I couldn't have been born in any place better.From the golguppas , that I cant live without , to the beautiful sarees and patialas that I love wearing , from having known people I call Bhaijaan to Dada , from eating mangoes to the bhutta with nimbu & namak , for the chuski  to jam packed roads when India won the world cup , at  india gate ,to every time I see my dad and brother wearing their uniform  and to every time I listen to Vande matram , I love being an Indian .
A smile comes on my face , my thought trail is broken as a kite lands in front of me , though a game , it made me a little sad to see that even when god has given space for everyone to fly high , what is the need to cut and bring  anyone down , human nature, i said to myself..
I see a black colored kite soaring high , the highest of all I could see , so high , yet so grounded , in the hands  of the kite flyer..
Its now dark..i cant see the kites any longer..I walk inside with a feeling , a feeling of being independent..and a wish to fly free...
A very happy Independence day.. :)

Office Ghar..Office Ghar..Phir se Office..Phir Ghar..

Have been quite some time since I last wrote , and today when my friend asked me why have I not written anything for so long , i tried to figure out , what was it that was keeping me so busy , was I overloaded with work(damn I m in a PSU) , was I cooking at home (nahh..no deaths reported due to food poisoning) , studying (after 6 years of leaving college..even reading newspaper is a challenge)..so I realized I was stuck..stuck in the most  vicious circle  of life..The "Ghar Office.Ghar Office........Routine"

Offlate a normal conversation with friends nowadays on Gtak looks like this
ME :     madame

             good morning

SACHS (name changed not on request ): hi kuljeete

              kaisi hai?

             good morning to you

ME :     badiya hun yaar

SACHS : kya chal raha hai.. aajkal..

ME :    office gahr

           chalna kia hai

SACHS :seriously hamari life to shayad iss me hi nikal jayegi

          ghar office.. ghar office

          we go back home hardly for 3-4 hours

          and fir se uth ke office aajao..

          I'm thinkin of doing some gymming.. but time hi nahi milta

This was the start of one of the most sort after conversation or may I call CRIBsation I have been having with most of my friends . But no matter how many times I do it , I don't get bored of it.Will not comment on other proffesions but being in IT industry , this crib poem on 'office ghar' has become like an aarti , if not in the morning , I chant it in the evening , and if by chance evenings are spared then me and my hubby chant it together after dinner 

So this routine goes like this - get up in the morning , and no you dont say good morning like the way Vidya balan would in Munna Bhai ..the first two words you utter are 'Oh Shit' , because once again you woke up 15 mins late..then you sit in shock for a min , as if someone has gone to coma..and then you realize now you are 16 mins late..then jump into the washroom..take a time to figure which one is your brush..again see the clock..think maybe a mouthwash was a quicker method..and then get ready in ten minutes straight..check the mirror to note things that need to be done when you find time..perform the army drill of taking breakfast..catch the cab..and then you remember..ohh I am a human..and I breath..then take this long breath..be proud of yourself , to save a leave and then put your head back to catch for an hours sleep while you travel from delhi to gurgaon or vice-versa..(murphys law..your office is in the other state , of wherever you stay..).You dont know whether to curse this long distance or not..because sometimes this one hour sleep is the most precious thing you have for the day..then office..open outlook..crib about boss..open gmail..crib about spam..open Facebook..crib that why you are not holidays..why you are not in perfect shape..then open outlook..work..tea break..crib..time to go back..then travel..crib why is there so much traffic..think "i will make my resume today"..Then Ghar..depending upon situation two three hours are available for the lucky ones..which is too less a time to think do act on something..dinner..ahh..now I will watch TV and break this routine..channel 1..saas bahu..channel 2 ..extra martial affair..channel 3..currency value..channel 80 .. that's it..I should sleep..will get up early and go for walk tomorrow..Alarm clock..snooze..snooze..snooze..Repeat..

So is this it..is it going to be this way..will I just add years of experience,Candles on my cake, gray hair on my head,wrinkles on my face,and such posts on my blog..

P.S - Inspired by Ragini Taneja 

There are some things money cant buy..

Not very long ago , when I was a kid  , a birthday party on the calendar meant 5 days pre planning and 5 days of post analysis .As a girl which dress to wear , what gift to buy , if shes your best friend then what different is it that you will do , asking the lucky bday lad what he/she likes/wants etc etc and the list would go on.
On the D day it was all about balloons , birthday caps , whistles , cake , games and return gifts in that order , food yes when the aunts would hurriedly queue you up to eat , and without fail you would spoil you pretty pink frill frock because you couldn't carry that heavy plate in your hand. And if it was your own birthday it meant one month pre planning and 5 days post crying ( on things your parents didn't do/could have done better ) .Making invitation cards or buying those cute note pads which had balloons ( if not with balloons you sure must have bought one with hearts on it) , deciding which flavor cake you want to eat (which is the last thing you care about that day )  , friend list ( time to take revenge with the one with whom you had a fight the previous day , that's the longest you could carry on enmity those days ) , obviously your dress again , games etc etc etc.
So the other day when planning a surprise party for my hubby , this is all that came to my mind ..list of friends , balloons, whistles , birthday caps , cake , games , food , return gifts..
And it was still the same..seeing all the friends that too at 12 in the night put that smile our faces and filled that happiness in our hearts which will last forever.When everybody wore the birthday caps and blew the whistles when the cake was cut ..when hubby had the blue avatar look with the cake all over his face..and birthday kicks over his back ( he didn't take any medicine for the pain that remained for a couple of days thereafter , i think he didn't want the memory to fade out..)
And we played games and there were fights on who won , who had cheated , questions on will there be a prize..the same old burgers , patties and chocolates to eat.
It was all the same , and it felt the same ..and I was happy , contended and assured because that day I realized that we have made friends for life.. friends who made that time so special..and that my husband has a treasured gift for life..
P.S - bandar , tyagi , pandey , parru , jigs , vishu , rahul , debs , shevali , vicki - we love you all :))

Where X = Y

In the equation of life,
there stands the concept of linearity
No quadratic equation , no complex numbers just equality..
Equality of failures to the ladders of success you climbed
Equal are the number of tears to the laughs you laughed,
Where places you show fear equal the times you demonstrated courage,
Where the number of people who stood besides you equal the monents you
Had noone to be with
Equality in the amount of love people bestowed you with,
To the people who hated you being alive
Equal were the number of people who missed you to those
Who didnt want your company
Equal are the numbers who pused you up to the numbers
Who pulled you down
Its a fair game ,both black and white get equal moves
And it always ends as "Check-Mate"